ideas.. thoughts.. emotions, spilt over thy screen. not cast by my pen, but rather by the sharp end of my fingers. they may not be six inches long, but they can still kill a man six feet tall.. wld u be left standin?
*argh*.. scratches all ard very violently and irritatedly... *argh*.. the immense heat upon the tropical island.. located spot on the equator.. recieving with arms wide open.. the incredible scorchin burn showered from the radiant sun above.
... I shall lay me down to rest.. to rid thy being of all but playful dreams..
have I mentioned before how I loathe grey?
Areas of black and white mixed with such subtlety
that I am often left to wonder why these shades of grey
proclaim concoctions spillin of powder and dust
that can hardly be differentiated,
white from black; black from white
reminding me the obsecurity I face
as I struggle alone seeking to find
right from wrong; wrong from right
troubles born from innocence left to fade
naivety bearin forgotteness to my aging soul
jus like love letters tucked between school books left to grow old
i trade in one for the other
black for white; white for black
but each time not knowing what i earn in return
right for wrong; wrong for right
so pardon me if you will
from your sword and your harsh decides
shower thy mercy to me
as one wld unto he with lies for words
feed me the sweet beckoning of truth
stealin from my grasp the rust of hate
the uncertainty of my past undoings
reveal upon me the light of ur unending love.
endless journey i seek to unfold
at the wee hour of morn
clinging to a distant thought
filled with the memories of only you
pleading shall morn come
a new day arrives without need of you
vacant from my non existant life
torn from a part of yester-you
jus something i conjured from thin air at 3 in the mornin.. with no baring wad so ever to thy present state of mind or heart.. oh why do i bother to explain!! *smiles* quite actualli.. i beg to differ.. i feel the smooth tingy feelin of lightness... i feel at peace with my phone and cranberry filled glass right next to me. the shuffling of the fan above racing at top speed whilst i type at a painfully slow pace.. so tediously sloth-like are my actions.. i wld bet even a snail cld flash by giggling.. the nausa of being left behind somewhat comforts me.. like knowingly i breathe in a space and time of my own.. the bliss of night befalls upon me... for it is the tranquil of the night.. as sleep unleashes its power over all like the angel of death at passover. and though day springs in jus hours' time.. i lie here still.. restlessly facing the blinding lights of the comp..
for u are my light
in the passage of time
so soon become
night to daylight
i shall meet thy plight
ease through the day
sombre though i pray
for thy past i might
still hold with delight
i get a little bit crazy baby
everytime you call my name
heart beats a little bit faster
after you are in my arms again
cant try to fight it
dun even try to hide it
emotions fallin down like the rain
cant find the words to explain it aint it
crazy how i fall when you call my name
thats how u make me feel ..
weak in the knees.. shivering in your occasional colds
lost in the jungle of your thoughts and actions
flowing one way, thugged in the other direction
you leave me lost .. u leave me weak.
I gaze at the second hand moving its usual way
unconditional movements ticking everyday
for it matters not where min or hour go
thy seconds shall race its usual row
repeated ticks clock rythmic beats in thy mind
the same path i ride in search to find
a peace of tranquil to call my own
torrent voyages i shall atone
thursday clouds breeze by, and I note the tint of joy in the winds...
weekend is exactly ten hours away! .. it feels like a plate of fried chicken wings strewn right before your every eyes, though you are forbidden to indulge .. With knowing fact, you are abstaining from meat cos its friday... hmmm.. get my point. mins go by like hours.. mentally.. the sigma of living through 5 hour lectures from prevoius weeks.. still sends shivers up my spine.. the skies forbide I fall asleep once again!
every once of stillness swept away.. by the awakening of day beginning to play
my day will begin at the launch of the weekend... a well cherished 3 days.. that I shall leave none to idliness.. and hence when mundane mondae approaches.. the same sleep deprivation falls in place once again..
it is... ... but a vicious cycle
none the less.. rejoice!!.. I say rejoice.. I proclaim the comin of the weekend... the arrival of all things evil and sinful.. indulge as you would a dish of chocolate fudge brownies, richness filled with utmost sweets.. feel the pleasures sliding down the roughness of your innocent throat... creeping sudden warmth into that week-long cold heart of yours.. and as surely as the sun rises in the west.. account for the aftermath as monday returns oh once again.. feeling the bulimic purge of sinful doings as we plunge head first into a cleansing spree...
ahh.. the feverish draw of societal life..
a frosty early mornin.. and the crows begin their daily screechin. my dad shares with me his morning singing. mum neatens a bunch of heavenly brown curls.. *mornin* i feel like i'm in another dimension, jus sittin here listening to their laughing comments abt each other.. like they oblivious to my endless typings on the key board. *eh.. mornin*
another day that will unveil.. another day i shall indulge
In the event of preparin to rush to school, the heavens decide that now is a good time to water all earthy objects. Now, torrent thunders and dark gloomy skies mimic my present state of mind.. and i am forced to wonder if God really does read minds.. mine in particular. Nothin can be more dramatic then not feelin ur very best, and having the skies ard u repeat that, as though u were an open book for all to read and humor.
each tear i cry falls crashin to the undeserving ground beneath
just as rain drops fall from the heavenly skies to humor my very being
mock me, thats fine.. i thrive on ur very desire to hurt me. the rains often proclaim the arrival of a good and prosperous times. feedin the earth, floodin the water cravin rivers. bathin the heat off sweat laden bods, cleasin the soul, rejuvenatin the spirits. that i may breathe again. Though as i sit in the comforts of my room, i feel the stiffling humidity that the rains bring today. And i wonder why tis is i feel this way. Is it cos i hold back now, fearful of the emotions that will flood me shld i release myself. that my mind is plagued with thoughts i have no answers to. that i keep them behind this wall of brick and stone, willin to carry this burden rather then make sense of it all.
hmmmph.. i think so..
i guess should i try to comtemplate wad happened, it will dawn upon me the milllionth time i've let it disrupt me. so while i hold back, prayin not to forget those vivid memories stored in the fore grounds of my mind. I feel the dampness of the rains rather than its freshness... I shall let u mock me... i shall let u mock me
fear not wad ur actions may describe
reveal ur heart that I may feel ur vibe.
worry not wad the future entails
pacing into the unknown to seek wad prevails.
life is all about being at this place at that time. Today, I find peace at home. Perhaps the aftermath of a stormy week. It seems odd now that I can embrace rest with no guilt harboring at the back of my mind. It seems so unreal. no plans made, no deeds to accomplish, and a throbbin head to soothe..
as much as I wan not to acknowledge, there are hurtful and wishful details lingering in my mind. Clouding my judgment, leaving me in this urban jungle to hunt, like a leopard without its spots.. rite. i feel as though my senses have not been handicapped, but I drift abt not being who I normally am. I look myself in the mirror today, hardly recognizing that face staring back at me.
hold me close that I may hear u breathe
caress my arms that I may feel u love me.
call out my name on this dark nite
and let me watch you walk to my side.
cherishing that image in my mind
fearful shld I blink I'll see u slide.