coming to terms
moments
thats all it take for your life to swing in a different direction all together. A single moment fused with a single action, deciphers the next of chain of events. I'm at the crossroads of the future that merges with the past.. and suddenly i'm unsure of my next move.
The past is where I rather not reside in.. however, having lived with and in it for an eternity, I feel like a begger in a millionaire's mansion. Snooping around, trying to appreciate the riches that has been strewn before my eyes, whilst indeed feeling like something's a miss. I do not wish to go back to where I've cried and prayed for shinier days, but still the sudden mix of euphoria is something I'm not accustomed to. The smile that has be planted in the base of my heart has yet to settle down, and I fear that once it finds its comfort zone, reality will slap me cross my face, and leave me dangling in the absence of my new found tranquility.
fuck i'm scared
The past keeps knocking at the back door. Saying hello to me. Wishing me well.. fuck I cant come to terms with it. I fucked it a long time back and now.. It feels as though I have to deal again. I have to put you behind, you who stabbed me, you who loved me, you who crushed me, you who slipped away, you who blew me off and came running back. All you taking bits of me, only to scatter it cross the street side.. where does that leave me? *damn* its haunting me..
Then you appeared, like a knight in shining armour..
Now, your closeness comforts me, cradles me as I drift into a tender sleep. Your warmth and sweet caresses are what I desire, your smile what I crave to hold dear. Sweet nothings you whisper melting my hard exterior, bit my bit leaving me naked in your presence. I become conscious of my scars and how you might accept the me you have yet to know. You have invoked my neediness, drawing me feircely into the tightness of your embrace, leaving me in famliar grounds.
Remembering how hurting it is to have to walk away from the one you love. To shift from loving you.. to trying not to want you, think of you, breathe you. Knowing that you can hurt me with you bare hands, but what am I to do now.. I am lost to you.. no reason to fight it. I keep asking myself, can I handle another heart break. Can I live throught yet another lost love, lost kiss.. lost embrace. I want not to break again and so I thread carefully where I once ran.
hold me
i fear falling in love with you