you

Just the other day, I watched you stand by my side. I heard each of your very silent breaths, the shape of your silm slender back heave up and down as you drew in each smoke engulfed puff. the pull of your shirt drawn tightly across your small body, each tanned curve about your arm. Your gentle manly hands and the wistful smile across your lips. The lure of your baby eyes that twinkled each time you glanced towards me. The long lashes that i allowed to wave an introduction right into the heart of my being.

I wish i knew what is carved within the walls of you heart. For each past time i've fallen, i lost a piece of me that has yet to be replaced. And though being with you lets me feel and need again, i fear that it is all a illusion conceived within the pillars of my mind. And that whilst we remain seated side by side, sharing the same words and laughter, much of me knows and lives in fear that your heart remains with her. Who am I to blame? Who am I to ask for more? I am but the one for you to ease the pain, such that when the tide is right, back to her steel arms you will flee again. And so, as in the many times before, I will be left with only the scent of your departature and the memory of my fantasy to weep upon.

let me forge an army of strengths, for when the battle draws near, i shall want not to fight in wake of you. I shall gather an army of walls to fend off my desires for you. Defeated and scarred, i shall make my surrended exit.. back to the quiets of the night.. back to the bleak horizon to sink thy woes..